i would punch a child for taco bell
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize