You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
