highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
