we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
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