When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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