How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
