Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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