If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
