When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
