This is not my ceiling
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
