You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
