New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize