Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
