I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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