Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
