god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
