direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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