My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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