My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Come on in and take your pants off
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
