i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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