I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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