i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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