So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
