3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
