I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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