i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
