I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
