he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
