I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
