Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
