THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
