The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
