he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
