My sheets look like a crime scene.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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