I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
