i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
