That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
