just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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