I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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