I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
