I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
