So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize