6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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