just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
