i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
