I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
