we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
