my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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