i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I fill condoms, not promises.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
