I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
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