we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize