Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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