Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
