i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He shit in the fireplace
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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