don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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