once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
