I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
