New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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