I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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