Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
