omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
