she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I FOUND THE LEGS
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
