While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
