even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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