I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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