Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize