Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
