All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
