I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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